For decades, I didn’t think of myself as a survivor because of the degree and nature of the sexual assault I experienced. When I was 14, a store clerk ran his hand up my butt, then quickly walked away. The shock and shame I felt was unexpected. I had a hard time telling my mother what had happened, but when I saw that the clerk was stalking me, I told her. She tried to help me feel better by dismissing it and telling me that this sort of thing happens in urban settings. She never reported the clerk. I wondered later how many other girls he assaulted. For years I couldn’t go into a store alone and in public settings I kept my back to a wall and remained vigilant. Just as I was overcoming this experience, one night I was dreaming that my breast was being fondled and I felt pleasure. I woke up to find my brother fondling my breast. I turned away in shock and shame that I had felt pleasure. I didn’t know how to confront this. I tried to tell my parents but couldn’t find a way to bring it up. I locked my bedroom door and avoided my brother, who up until then had been a close friend. I didn’t find out until years later that he had also fondled my sister’s genitals in the middle of the night — she woke up and immediately told my parents. My parents’ reaction was to take my brother to the doctor to see what was wrong with him and they didn’t take care of my sister’s needs. I learned that she later in therapy in college brought my parents in and confronted them about their neglect of her needs. My family kept this all secret. When I learned all this, I admired my sister for speaking up for herself and wondered if I had spoken up when my brother assaulted me, I could have prevented my sister from suffering my brother’s violation of her body. I don’t blame myself, but I do wonder. In intervening years, we did address this as a family and 1:1 to some extent. I have tried to educate my children to understand that nobody has a right to touch them without their consent and that it goes both ways. I have tried to create with my co-parent an atmosphere of openness so that our children can tell us their concerns. I don’t want to harbor such family secrets. At the same time, I find it difficult to share this story of my brother’s violation of my sister and me with people that know me and my family. I suppose in this way I am maintaining the family secret. Maybe publishing this story anonymously will help me take steps in breaking the silence.