While my own experiences aren’t as severe as others, I still believe I have the right to tell my story. I am a victim of verbal abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, and was hit in the face once. This went on for 3 years and occurred with my ex. The relationship started my freshman year of high school and I was finally able to end it at the end of my senior year. He would start arguments over things 95% of the time I didn’t even know about and refuse to tell me about till I would beg him to help me understand what was wrong, he forced me to socially isolate myself especially among my male friends because of his intense feelings of jealousy and insecurity with himself, and the few male friends I had, he would consistently question them over their intentions with being friends with me which would consequentially cause my friends to distance themselves from me in fear or annoyance of dealing with my ex. My ex would constantly accuse me of cheating with my male friends even though he had no evidence nor reasoning to prove that and knowing full well I had no history to even base those accusations on. We argued at least several times a week over the smallest things and every single time, his severe anger issues would cause him to start yelling at me and calling me names such as, “moron, stupid, a bitch, a dumb bitch, childish, immature” and his favorite, “a (dumb/stupid) cunt”. The numerous times throughout the relationship that I would talk to him about the problems I had with the relationship and more-so the consistent verbal abuse I faced from him would always be spun around on me because it was “my fault I forced him to act that way” or he would simply say, “I’m such a horrible person, I don’t deserve to be here/alive, I’m sorry I ruin everything” among various other phrases which was gaslighting and manipulative. Alongside this, he would also routinely make me feel horrible and guilt trip me for not wanting to have intercourse or for not wanting to “do anything” that day. That it wasn’t fair on him for me to say “no, I don’t want to do *xyz* because I just don’t want to right now”. Because I *needed* to make him feel good just because we were dating. 
 
The whole time during our relationship, he promised me he would never hit me no matter how angry he got. I believed them even though I still had a lot of fear because I knew he had the power and anger to hurt me. But my junior year after 1st period in my school’s jrotc building, he hit me in the face out of anger and ignored me the rest of the day, knowing full well I was sobbing a majority of the time. After practice that day, I was finally able to talk with him, and I was expecting some sort of an apology for hurting me. For hitting me in the face. In the end, he told me it was my fault for making him hit me, for making him that mad, and that he didn’t have to apologize because there was nothing to be sorry about. He still held this belief all the way til I broke up with him. 
 
There are a multitude of other things that happened that included purposely ruining special occasions, belittling me about my interests and hobbies, breaking things in my car & not paying for it, getting angry at me when I was unable to drive him somewhere bc he didn’t have a car, and forced me to keep everything a secret bc he knew it was wrong & would make him look bad. And even though everything ended over 2 years ago, the trauma caused by that relationship still affects me to this day. It still hurts and angers me. I shouldn’t have gone through what I did. I was just a child. I thought I could help change him for the better. While I left the relationship wounded and with new trauma added to my PTSD, I also left knowing the knowledge that if I can survive the emotional turmoil in that relationship, I can go through anything. I now know the red flags to look for and my tolerance for bullshit and any form of manipulation/blackmail/gaslighting is slim to none. I’m still trying to heal, but it’s a bumpy road. 

-Opal (she/they)